Glemdoroiz-ation

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Your Horoscope For Today

For years, in fact, milleniums, astrology has gained popularity due to the gullible fools who still in fact believe that Nada Surf is an occult*.
Readers, I advise ye to listen to some good ol' Half Man Half Biscuit and chow down some beef jerky.

Here's your horoscope.++


Aquarius
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Aries
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus
You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Virgo
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick


Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to reaize that every single one of the is absolutely true. Now, where was I?


Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying
If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again


*Nada Surf is actually a band.
++ help given by Weird Al.



Next up!

My Glass Is Half Empty

-Smack the life out of that glass-

As it goes on (in fact, my blog has never even started) , I shall make use of my blog to store the best of my album reviews, commentaries on movies, books and such.
The description of my days is to be remained a personal momentum as it is private, and I don't intend on sharing my dark days with you sodomists. I apologise rubbish talks. Now flee, sacred parasite of heaven. And flee with thy brothers and worship my perfection. And by that, I mean, read, hate and go away..and do come back for goodies to win. I kid.

PS.
My blogging may be considered offensive* towards followers of Jewihism,Jesus-followers, and Islamica. You may find elements of favouritism towards those of Homolism. Symbols of the Swastika or the crooked cross is to symbolise my respect towards nirvana(not the band) and the Nazi. :)
Beware of fiesty termites and post-Godzilla depression.
Enjoy!

*offensive unless stated.